The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about life’s trials and the struggles we were facing at the time, and she said something that took me back a bit.
She said, “When you mention a struggle you’re facing, you always end your sentence by saying something about how you know something good will come out of it, so it’ll be okay. I admire that. I wish positive thinking came as naturally to me as it does to you.”
I just sat there and started to tear up, because positive thinking hasn’t come naturally to me. It’s like a muscle, the more it’s practiced, the stronger it gets, and I’ve been learning to look for the good in situations for years.
From the time I was 13 to the time I was 15, I struggled with depression. I had an eating disorder, I was working my way through sexual abuse I’d gone through as a little girl, and my spirit was broken in every way possible. I was worthless and I was unlovable. I couldn’t talk to people about what was going on in my mind because I believed they’d judge me. They wouldn’t want anything to do with me. If they knew me the way that I knew me, they wouldn’t want me. I became isolated. I was hurting but I made myself believe that I couldn’t tell anyone about it, so I didn’t.
After two years of struggling with this depression, I hit my breaking point. I was told that the world would be a better place if I wasn’t in it and I believed it. So one evening I grabbed a bottle of pills and shut myself in my bathroom. I sat on the floor and made one final plea. I cried, “God if you’re real if you’re there and you care I need a sign. I can’t do it anymore if there’s no reason for it all. I need to know that you’re there and that someone cares.” Just as I said the last word of my prayer, I got a text. It was from a friend that I hadn’t seen or spoken to for months, who had no idea what was going on at the time. He said “Hey, Stevie! This is kind of random but you’ve been on my mind a lot today and I wanted to check in on you and let you know that if you need anything I’m here and I care! Love you!” So after praying that God would give me a sign if he was there and he cared, I got a text from a friend who had no idea what was going on, saying he was there and he cared.
A text is a simple thing, but it was a text that saved my life. So if you are questioning whether or not to reach out to a friend, reach out. Even if you haven’t spoken in months. Reach out. Send the text. And if you’re where I was, questioning your purpose and almost to your breaking point, I want you to know that it really does get better. There are brighter days ahead. You are worthy, loved, and so important to so many people whether it feels that way now or not.
Written by: Stevie Huff | Images by: Savannah Banton Photography